Love goes home to Paris in the spring

On the bright side: what I’ve always vowed to avoid was a monotonous life where I just go through the motions. Being laid off sure will give you a kick in the ass and make sure you’re not just coasting comfortably through life. Yay to being scrappy and this is the kind of moment where twenty years from now I’ll be telling my kids about because this is what led me to do some fantastic thing which I am now world-renown for.

On the more realistic side: holy shit, I’ve never really prepared for what I’m doing right now. Jobless, not flush with money but totally able to scrape by and everything’s my move. There’s not necessarily a clear next step or a fork in the road, I could theoretically do anything I really want with myself. Backpack around Europe? Go to school? Take a job in a totally different career field? Volunteer and see where that leads?

That feeling of being on the precipice can be completely exhilarating and freeing. There’s less pressure to not quit my day job because, well, that choice has been made for me already.

But of course, this is also a completely terrifying feeling. I’ll make up my mind about what my course of action is going to be, then an hour later become distraught because what if I am making the totally wrong choice that I’ll regret for years? Or I’ll catch myself thinking that while I could theoretically do xyz, it’d be a bit too impulsive and selfish and I should really just grow up and be more practical.

I realize these are the things people go through on a normal day, it’s just weird having to think about this stuff practically 24/7. I think I know what I’m leaning towards and it’s a bit unconvential (for me, at least) but if I don’t do it know, who knows when I’ll get close to another chance?

In the meantime, I’ve been putting off the big questions by watching Big Love starting from Season 1.